My name is Nicole Bristol-Robinson I’m 19 years old, born on January 13th 1992, and grew up in South London, Brixton. I was born in London, but my background is from Jamaica and St.Vincent which if I do say so myself are very beautiful Islands in the Caribbean. I am the newest member of the Branded team and will be working in PR and will most definitely bring some great creativity, new ideas and show people that everyone has a purpose in life. Apart from my random antics and bubbly personality, there is a depth to me which allows me to have a profound understanding and appreciation for life. My childhood was an ongoing battle, having to deal with parents who both had major issues. My mum was a drug addict, and my dad battled with severe depression which caused him to not be around for most of my life, so I was in a single parent home. This family situation really affected me deeply, I felt alone, caged and trapped! And did not feel as though I belonged on this earth or there was any way out of this pessimistic life. All I saw was black; I did not see a future, or a purpose.
The only thing I had to do was be strong for my mum, but there was no one around to be strong for me because nobody knew what I was going through. I was emotionally neglected, and at the age of just 13 there was a lot to deal with. I was forced to live this double life and not say a word about my mum’s issues and my own. I blamed myself for my mum being addicted to cocaine and often felt like she loved it more than me. These thoughts spiralled out of control, and eventually I fell into depression. It was like her actions and my heart intertwined. Every time she abused herself with these drugs, just broke my heart into a million pieces, to be honest, NO words can come close to the pain I felt inside. I did not know who I was anymore, I started isolating myself from friends who cared, I hated myself, I had suicidal thoughts, I lost confidence and motivation and stopped going to school. I was in a very dark place until a good friend of mine invited me to church.
I was quite a sceptic about religion and church because everyone called their self a Christian, but did not actually act as one, and I often thought if there really is a god, then why is he allowing me to go through this much pain at such a young age. However I still went, and it was the revelation of my life. This boy approached me who I had never met in my life, and said he gets visions from God. Now me being the person I was, I literally just laughed at him, and thought what kind of church is this? I was just feeling really weird and out of my comfort zone, I had heard a lot about witch craft from my friends mum while watching them Naija Films on OBE. I did not believe anything, until he literally told me every detail of my life, even up to my mum’s drug problem. He said to me “I know your troubles, I know you feel alone, however you are not alone, God has seen everything and one day it will all make sense. You DO have a purpose on this earth, and do NOT give up your faith or hope in God or yourself, because you have to go through the storm to see the light”. From when I heard the words “Purpose, Hope and Faith”, I knew that I did have a purpose on this earth, and just because my parents may have chosen their paths, does not mean my future has to suffer, and my mind was set free, from all the years I blamed myself for my mum’s drug problems, the guilt was gone.
I began to really become someone again, and not just someone who took each day as it comes, and was not looking to the future, but I saw beyond my troubles, beyond my mum’s issues and beyond the present, and I lived for my future. I focused on my education, and with just 39% attendance in my last year of secondary school I passed all 10 GCSE’s, and I also began to focus on my creative side. I was always good at English; the fact you could write something fictional and almost escape into that story is what drew me into writing. I began to write poetry, which over the years has developed, and this was literally my escape from reality, and being able to express myself with just a pen and paper revealed myself to me. I saw that these emotions and troubles I was dealing with could help someone else, and slowly my purpose came to light.
Overall my life has been an up and down rollercoaster, and surprisingly even though the negatives still exist, I focus on the positives. It is sad what I have been through, however my experience can help other people in my situation, and that is what my main aim in life is, to give young people hope and acknowledge their worth. My poems reflect me as a person, and also can have the power to help someone to look beneath the surface, and look within. I know many people have had a worse life than me, but I do believe I have the power to help create change in their life. I no longer get consumed in what my life is like today, because I have to live for tomorrow, and its how you view yourself and life itself which constructs your purpose, and now I’m ready for any challenge, because I know with self belief, faith and perseverance I will overcome.
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Nicole
